tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-80681338383798785542024-02-06T22:20:31.388-07:00Find Joy in the JourneyOpinions are immunity to being told you're wrong. -Relient KSarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.comBlogger76125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-46242005157034392792013-09-17T14:18:00.000-06:002013-09-17T14:18:23.010-06:00That One Time I Joined a Dating Website...Yeah.<br />
<br />
I did.<br />
<br />
One time, I was bored, I mean REALLY bored. I saw the LDS Planet ad on my facebook. I casually wondered over. I thought it would be funny to join and read people's profiles and just check out the scene. Then my dear friend Kendra stepped in. With a cheesy line she convinced me to join for a month. I agreed somewhat hesitantly, but curious. What would it be like?<br /><br />I had 4 unread messages when I activated my account. I was a little disappointed to see they were all close to 40 or older. That was when I realized, older men like younger women. And being 21 is quite an appealing age for said men. But still, I was shocked that a 70 year old widower favorited my profile. His "about me" section ended with this statement, "willing to relocate for the right gal." Now, I've always wanted to be a widow at 25, but he didn't say how much money he makes so I just disregarded the notification all together. ;)<br /><br />As another blogger so casually stated, online dating websites are for recently divorced people to flex their social muscles in a more guarded environment. Unfortunately, I've found or been contacted by A LOT of 23 to 25 year olds who have been married and divorced already. As if I wasn't already terrified of divorce, I'm more so now! <br /><br />Back to "older men," a lot of them seem to be on the defense about their age. One guy at 36 messaged me asking if I would date a guy in his mid-thirties because he didn't want to "rob the cradle." I laughed a little at the statment and how straightforward it was, and answered him honestly saying that I would prefer to date someone 10 years older than me at the most. I wished him luck in his search and figured I wouldn't hear from him again. How wrong I was. Another message followed: "I totally understand. It has been tough to find a girl that has not
already been married and/or has children. Not that it matters but I
would like to take the journey thru marriage to preferably be w/ someone
that has not been married before. The fact that my winter home is in
Scottsdale & my summer home is in Utah makes it tough as well
because every 6 months I alternate back & forth. Thanks for your
reply. If u decide that age is simply just a number (with age comes
experience no doubt) then I would love to keep in touch. Thanks!" Maybe he was trying to guilt me into responding again, but though I feel bad, I have to stand my ground. Another line I hear a lot is, "What is age to the eternities?" Oh, how I wish I could have such an eternal perspective. I think the age gap gets smaller as you age, but since I've only seen 21 years, I feel the age gap gaping wide between us. It's a reality I can't ignore.<br /><br />Some people are less than tactful online. I was on the website when a chat box appeared and some guy started talking to me. It happens sometimes and it usually results in interesting stories. This time did not disappoint. The casual, "Hi, how are you's" were exchanged and then out of no where he asks, "Are you shy?" I responded in the negative. The following question was just WEIRD. "Have you ever waxed?"<br />
<br />
What!?<br /><br />Have I ever waxed!?<br />
<br />
Come on!<br />
<br />
"Um.... No..... That's a weird question."<br /><br />"My friend is studying to be an esthetician and she needs some practice."<br /><br />"Well, Idaho is a long way to drive just to get a wax."<br /><br />"Sorry if I offended you. I am bold."<br /><br />Obviously. The next few questions got weird and sort of inappropriate so I stopped talking to him altogether after that.<br /><br />I also learned that some people make their username their real name. They express interest and I find them on Facebook. Usually, it's bad for them because I can get a real idea of who they are as a person and it makes me 100% not interested. Like the guy who made a comment about never getting along with his room mates. His mom said something about him needing to look within himself to see if he is the problem to which he totally freaked out at her. Cute. This is why I fully believe the best way to meet someone is in person without any preconceived notions. Online dating is all about the perceptions you read, and since you have to be careful online, you have to use proper judgement. Yes, that judgement can be harsh, but you can't be too careful.<br />
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So, yeah. There are weird people out there, but even so, this has been good for me. I mean, really. Guys have been interested in me, told me I am beautiful, I have a cute smile, etc. and it's been nice to hear. Another guy I've been talking to, who I might add is 27 (within normal age parameters), said something really profound that fit perfectly with my situation. He said, "Achievers are not perfectionists, they are improvisers." So, though I am going to end my membership when the month runs out, it has been a great learning experience and I feel good about trying it out at least once. I've also, learned that there are some real weirdos out there. And that is why I love the internet.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-68840422416258256742013-08-18T15:53:00.001-06:002013-08-18T15:53:25.358-06:0050 GOOD Things About MeI'm HOME! I've been home from China for nearly 2 1/2 months now. I had an incredible experience, so thanks to those of you who supported me, sent love, and followed my other blog. You are all great!<br />
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It's preeeetty easy for us as humans to focus on the negative things surrounding us. Since negativity has been my constant companion for a while, I've decided to do some things to combat it. For starters, I am making a list of things I like about myself or think are good. Sometimes I feel so run of the mill, like I'm a copy of everyone around me, but I hope this list reminds me that I am unique and special.<br />
<br />
I am....<br />
<ol>
<li>faithful to my religion</li>
<li>obedient</li>
<li>dedicated to the things I love</li>
<li>passionate</li>
<li>curious</li>
<li>a reader</li>
<li>always trying to be a better me</li>
<li>able to admit when I am wrong</li>
<li>stubborn</li>
<li>responsible</li>
<li>both scheduled and spontaneous</li>
<li>always planning ahead, but able to handle it when plans have to change</li>
<li>intelligent</li>
<li>accepting of other cultures</li>
<li>open minded</li>
<li>able to give people the benefit of the doubt.</li>
<li>a good speller</li>
<li>emotional (some people use it as an insult, but I am happy that I can express how I feel)</li>
<li>not afraid to love and care for those around me</li>
<li>good with kids</li>
<li>trusting to those close to me</li>
<li>charitable with my time and resources</li>
<li>adventourous</li>
<li>curvy</li>
<li>a fast learner (especially with languages)</li>
<li>a decent singer (I can carry a tune!)</li>
<li>empathetic</li>
<li>compassionate</li>
<li>forgiving</li>
<li>friendly and outgoing</li>
<li>a dreamer and idealist</li>
<li>silly (sometimes)</li>
<li>strong</li>
<li>blessed</li>
<li>giving</li>
<li>courteous</li>
<li>good at keeping in touch with others</li>
<li>good at communicating</li>
<li>a good cook</li>
<li>pretty</li>
<li>a fast typer</li>
<li>not afraid to say what I think</li>
<li>good at trying new things (unless it's eating pigs feet)</li>
<li>fast at adapting to new situations</li>
<li>reliant on God</li>
<li>nostalgic</li>
<li>family oriented</li>
<li>a traveler</li>
<li>a dog lover</li>
<li>hopeful</li>
</ol>
50 is HARD, but you can do it, too! We are too hard on ourselves. I could easily make a list of 100 bad things about myself, but the good news is, I'm human and I can't be perfect. The even greater news is that if I am faithful and work hard, my weaknesses can become my strengths and I can add them to my list of good things. We can all do that! 50 good things. GO!Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-89862598741085062462013-02-12T09:34:00.003-07:002013-02-12T09:34:57.627-07:00Another Adventure!Tomorrow I will start another China adventure! If you want to follow me while I'm there, you can go to my China blog <a href="http://www.blogger.com/www.chinaontheinside.blogspot.com">here</a>. I wish you all the best of health and safety while I'm gone! Thank you for your love and support!Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-38291835985759160172013-01-17T16:38:00.003-07:002013-01-17T16:38:54.304-07:00 谢谢Thank you, gracias, merci, ありがとう, danke, or 감사합니다. Every language has a word for "thank you." It's interesting that we all know this word, but we don't allow our vocal chords to form the words for us quite as often as we should. Of course, I include myself in this "we." I'm sending this thank you out into the cosmic void where it will resonate forever (or until the internet dies).<br />
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When I felt alone, there were people constantly reminding me that I wasn't really alone. When I told you how I felt, you didn't tell me I was letting Satan in, you told me you understood. When I needed to cry on your shoulder, you let me. When I needed a hug, you gave me one. You sent me a text saying you were thinking of me. You cried for me. You shared a church talk or an experience because you thought it might help. You told me crying was brave. When I complained, you helped me think more positively. You let me stay at your house when I needed a change of scenery.<br />
<br />
It's not easy to admit that I've got problems that I don't exactly have control over, but I just wanted to say thanks to the people who were there for me and still are.I appreciate you more than you could possibly know. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm a lucky girl, or as someone wiser than me once said, "There is no such thing as luck, only blessings."Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-23205556228064457662013-01-03T21:15:00.001-07:002013-01-03T21:15:50.463-07:00Welcome To A New AgeThe title is from a song I like. I used it instead of some cliche New Years title. :)<br />
<br />
The New Year is always a good excuse to make new goals and start fresh. I usually feel terribly normal when I start to think of New Years resolution and reflect on my year. Usually, I think of cool things that happened and how much weight I gained that year, but this time, it was a little different for me.<br />
<br />
I looked back on 2012 with both a sense of longing and a sense of loathing. Imagine the best year you ever had. Maybe you sorta wish you could re-live it. Then think of the worst year you ever had. You definitely avoid it like the plague. 2012 was both for me. After searching my whole life (20 years), I finally discovered my passion; the one thing that empowers me, motivates me, and fills me with love all at the same time. China. It's difficult to have this passion because so few people understand. All I want to talk about is China, the people, my time there, etc. People get bored of it, or they don't see how I could love it so much. People hear scary things on the news and in the media, but I assure you, the China I experienced was magical and the people are very separate from their government (for the most part). I will admit that I am overly obsessed, but it's <i>my </i>passion, so find fault with me, I dare you.<br />
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When I left China, I literally felt like I was being ripped away from the place I was needed, wanted, loved, and admired at every moment. I know I'm needed wanted, etc. here at home, too, but it doesn't always feel that way. One point being the amount of free time I have now that I didn't have in China, another point being the tiny calling/contribution I make in my Young Single Adult ward compared to the important calling I had in China and the contributions I made to the Branch in Nanjing.<br />
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Think about your passion. The one pass-time or hobby you have that you could never give up for any reason. For my example, I'll use a musician. This person lives, breathes, and even sleeps music. It makes them whole. It completes them. One day, they are in a horrible accident and they lose any ability to hear. Imagine how deeply they feel that loss and how it just might throw them into the depths of despair and depression. When I boarded that plane in Shanghai that was California bound, I lost my music. I lost the part of me that was completely mine. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I just wish there was someone out there who understood who could hug me and say, "It's okay, Sarah. It's okay to be so sad. I know how you feel."<br />
<br />
Now, you've lost your music and suddenly, the boy you've fallen in love with who has given you high hopes, shoots them down in 2 minutes. The other half of your heart that wasn't broken, is now split in two.<br />
<br />
I found that I didn't have a smidgen of self-esteem anymore. What boy could possibly like me? Who could even think I was pretty or nice or worth getting to know? I was awkward with my peers (possibly still am) and felt like I didn't really fit in anywhere. I see all the great things in other people and wish I was like them. I wish I had more depth, more creativity, and an ability to think for myself. I felt like the currant bush in that New Era article. Crying out to the Gardener asking why he had cut me down when I had so much potential and I was growing so beautifully. It took me a lot longer than the currant bush to hear the Gardner's loving response. He knows what my full potential is and I wasn't growing toward it in the way he wanted, so he cut me down so I could start growing again to become what he knew I could be. I feel it more now as I see what qualities he wanted me to develop. I don't fully understand, but someday, I will understand better than I do now. Until then, I'm working on continuing my journey with faith and hope.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-79036550349036894372012-12-11T18:11:00.000-07:002012-12-11T18:11:54.086-07:00SporcleI know all 48 countries in Asia including the Middle East. I tried listing the first 100 hundred Pokemon (and failed). I do word ladders, trivia questions, and random Harry Potter quizzes. It's Sporcle and it's the best website ever! You can take quizzes on almost anything you can think of. Ever wonder what countries eat the most turkey per capita? Take the quiz and find out. (USA is first and Israel is second, go figure!) Maybe you have a fantastic memory of all things sports, then prove it by taking a quiz. History buff? Go to the history section. Language, literature, geography, science, entertainment, movies, television, music, religion, gaming, and holidays. I could waste hours on this site. Oh wait, I already do! <a href="http://www.sporcle.com/">Click here to go check it out!</a>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-19399719136642521772012-11-02T16:52:00.000-06:002012-11-02T16:52:56.203-06:00Smacking Myself in the HeadI said I'd smack myself in the head for my poor thinking in my last post, and this is letting you know that I kept my word.<br />
<br />
After saying how alone I felt and how I didn't want to talk to anyone, Heavenly Father sorta "forced" some people on me. This humbled me and made the past two weeks better. Though I spend more time than I'd like sitting at home doing nothing, I still had people asking me to come around. One friend asked me if I'd like to go to lunch with her almost two weeks in advanced. She said she wanted to see me but didn't have time for awhile. It made me feel good. An old friend asked me to come hang out with him twice in one week. Another friend invited me to go with her and some friends out to dinner at an authentic Vietnamese restaurant. And again today, she texted me randomly asking if she could come say hi to me at school for a few minutes before her class.I went and visited an old teacher who is very dear to me. She listens to my stories and always tells me exactly what she thinks. She caught me off-guard with some suggestions that could very well change my life forever. It's these small things that are making a big difference for me. They may seem like nothing to you, but to me, they are everything right now. I'm being reminded that I am surrounded by people who care I'm still trying to figure out why, but it's good to know they care. Especially my friend in the "Holy Land" who texts me to see if I'm okay, to tell me funny things, or talk to me about something she is dealing with. I miss her, but I'm so glad she is still there for me even if she lives "far" away.<br />
<br />
Sure I still have breakdowns and I still feel sad sometimes, it's like I'm looking at a light at the end of the tunnel and it's slowly approaching. It had to get very dark first before the light could come chase it away. The darkest moment was the hardest and it was then that I wanted to shut out the world and disappear for awhile. I wanted to stop trying, but I didn't.<br />
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Heavenly Father gave me a way to deal with my problems more positively. He told me how to buoy up my spirit. At first it seemed like a strange idea and not something I really thought I needed to do or something that would really help, but then I realized that I was being like Naaman in the Bible. I always wondered why the idea of washing himself seven times was so ridiculous he wouldn't even try it until I was given my own "healing potion" and I thought it sounded too simple. I put aside my pride and did as he suggested. That's when the light appeared at the end of this long tunnel. Like I said, I'm not out yet, but I'm getting there and I feel his love and the love of those around me. I've accepted that I'm not in China. I've stopped thinking that I'd be more happy in China. I need to face these problems and deal with my issues instead of running from them by using the "if I was in China..." excuse. Though it would be nice to run from my problems, they will always catch up to me in the end, and I'd much rather deal with these problems while they are small. I have a lot of things to be grateful for. Instead of finding so many reasons to be sad, I am finding the reasons to be happy. That's one good way I've learned to find joy in my journey.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-32069747396396834842012-10-23T19:13:00.001-06:002012-10-23T19:13:23.624-06:00Ups and Downs in LifeSo lately I think my blog has taken a turn for the more dramatic side, or maybe it's always been, but it's really just a good place for me to let out all my feelings and really think about them.<br />
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I feel like I'm kind of in the down part of life. This said, I know how fortunate I am to have a family, a home, a good job, school, my body etc, etc. Even though there are so many people I could turn to who would try to help me or comfort me, I feel alone. I don't feel like talking to all these other people. Not because I don't think they could understand, but because I don't see how it can help. This is poor thinking on my part and I will smack myself on the back of the head for it later, but right now, I don't want to. I've been struggling for a long time. I've struggled to get back into life again. I keep asking myself where the Sarah is that worked two jobs and still got all her homework done, or had little time for friends and was okay with it. Where is the Sarah that had higher standards and made less mistakes. She's not there anymore and I miss her. She didn't cry so much or care what other people thought so much. She laughed and smiled a lot more and things seemed simpler because she always had a plan and knew exactly what she wanted. She didn't have to fall to her knees in despair and cry to God in desperation. She didn't have to pretend to be okay because she was okay. I feel broken and I'm carrying a lot of baggage. I don't know how to get rid of it or really deal with it. It's hard to deal with baggage when you aren't really sure what's inside and you can't find the words to express it. I recently wrote in my journal that if life had to get hard now so China could be so great later, it'd be worth it. I'm trying to keep that attitude, but sometimes I get lost in all the feelings and forget that I'm going back. I actually forget. Can you believe that? I'm just riding the waves trying to get through the storm. I hope the sun comes out soon. I really need to see the sun.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-37103451809484333202012-10-09T10:28:00.002-06:002012-10-09T10:28:41.725-06:00Chinese People<br />
When I came home from China, I found myself struggling with a lot of emotions. Sadness at having to leave and a deep feeling of longing for my friends in the Middle Kingdom to name two. To keep in contact with these friends, I often wake up early and get on QQ (Chinese MSN) to talk to them about life in China and America.<br />
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I feel comfortable telling them the way it is. How I really feel and the things I'm really dealing with. In response to my troubles, I feel so loved and understood by my friends. They offer encouragement, support, and a look into a bright future. I know I was meant to meet the people I did. I know that God's hand was a part of every second I spent in China. I am overwhelmed with gratitude to these people for their real love, support, and friendship. Even though they are half way across the world in another time zone and another culture, they have the time to be there for me. They often tell me, "Hope you happy every day." when we say goodbye and they go to bed and I start my day. It's just what I need to continue pushing through the hard times. I suggest everyone gets some Chinese friends like mine. They are the best. Joy, Carl, Tony, Richard, William, Guo Ying, Derek, Robin, and Shirley, I love you!<br />
Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-40727789655172671722012-09-20T19:18:00.000-06:002012-09-20T19:18:51.024-06:00Peace, Love, China!It's official! I'm going BACK to China! I was given a fantastic scholarship from China Horizons <a href="http://www.chinahorizons.org/">(check them out by clicking here)</a>. I applied for the scholarship on a whim without thinking I'd actually get it. Then, the email came with congratulations. I have the opportunity to live in a "foster home" in China for three months working with the staff and children there. The children are all between 0-4 years old and have special health needs. They receive health care and love until they are adopted by families all over the world. I can't tell you the feeling of joy that swells inside me to know that I once again get to live in China. I never dreamed it possible that I would get to go back so soon. The Lord works in mysterious ways, but let's just say, I'm not complaining!<br />
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When I went through all the pages on the <a href="http://www.blogger.com/www.thestarfishfosterhome.org">Starfish Foster Home webpage</a>, I bawled like a baby. Maybe you will too. I love the people in China and I can't believe I get to go and serve them more. They have given me so much and I can't wait to repay their kindness. I can't wait to hold these babies and love them with all my heart.<br />
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My tentative departure date is Valentine's day, but so much can change and since this is the first time CH is doing the scholarship, it will be a process, but I am honored that I was chosen to pioneer this adventure. Here's to yet another adventure! China, here I come!<br />
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P.S. I waited until I wasn't freaking out to write this so it wouldn't be so crazy all over the place. You're welcome! ;)Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-41204917596482225572012-08-28T18:12:00.001-06:002012-08-28T18:19:57.678-06:00Adventure is Out There!My sister made this cool little canvas painting that says, "Adventure is out there." Maybe because I went to China, or because of her passion for life, I've been thinking so much about what I want to do, be and accomplish.<br />
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We went to my grandpa's to visit on Sunday, just me and my two sisters. We talked about travelling and my grandpa said that after he went to India and China while he served in the Air Force, "I wanted to swim in every ocean, climb every mountain, and hit every city." This explains exactly the feeling you get when you catch the bug. The travel bug. Maybe you haven't caught that bug, but you should! You never realize how small the world is or how big it is. I knew there are 7 billion people on the planet, but I never thought about the fact that I would NEVER even begin to know all of them. It depressed me a little to realize that because it's so clear to me that there are so many incredible people on this planet and I just want to know them all. The most amazing people are the ones making a difference in their small village or big city without recognition, without fame or fortune. I want to find them. ( I just had inspiration. I could meet those people and write a book about them! It's just a thought. :) ) So in this life of mine, I hope to travel the world and open my eyes to my global surroundings.<br />
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People always like to talk about the people in their lives who made huge differences for them. Most of the time, people talk about a teacher. Teachers have the power to influence and change their students lives forever. This is why I'm an elementary education major. I want to inspire, lift, help, and love every student that walks into my classroom. I want to be the difference in their lives. I don't know how I can do this or if I even have the capacity to, but I have to try. If I don't, I'll always wish I had. Live life without regrets. Even if it means risking it all.<br />
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One of the biggest things I've learned in my "adulthood" is that life doesn't work out the way you plan. Their are broken hearts, failed plans, unexpected changes, and many disappointments and difficult decisions. At times I wish I could go back to the simple life of a child where broken hearts came from broken crayons. Then I examine the person I am because of the broken hearts, disappointments, and other things and realize, given the choice, I would <i>never</i> go back. Why? Because midst all those trials come a lot, and I mean a lot of happy times. I've found that my determination is strong and I am braver than I realized. I've done things and said things that have shocked me as I've gone after the things I want. I don't always get what I want, but that hasn't stopped me or discouraged me (maybe sometimes it does, but I get back up on my feet). I always go after what I want and nothing anyone says can stop me. If you don't want me to do something, don't tell me I can't because that only feeds the flame, my friends.<br />
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I grew up in this city. I've lived here most of my life. I love this place and my family and all the memories that flood my mind when I go for a short drive or look out my windows, but now that I've seen another world, another culture, I feel like I can't stay here for the remainder of my life. It will always be home, my return to reality and life, but not my cage. I expect great things from myself. Nothing less. Look out world, here I come!Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-67418712253193909212012-08-21T02:00:00.001-06:002012-08-21T02:00:18.514-06:00Stop PretendingSo without being too dramatic or anything, I just need to get some things out.<br />
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I have this issue where I pretend everything is fine, I'm fine, what happened was fine, don't worry about it, it's not a big deal, I'm strong. Really, inside, I'm hurt, angry, confused, or otherwise feeling an uncomfortable emotion. I don't tell people how I really feel for more than one reason, but the biggest one is that I don't want them to hurt or feel bad. Today, my friend gave me some words of wisdom. He said that I should stop babysitting everyone's feelings and stop taking on the consequences of other peoples mistakes they should take on instead. I realized that he is so right. I suffer with unsaid words and unexpressed emotions. Anyone else in my situation would have said how they felt without hesitation. Why do I hesitate? Who am I protecting? I've made a new goal. If someone hurts me, I'm not going to pretend to be strong, like it's just fine. I'm going to stand up for myself. No one is going to walk all over me and my emotions anymore. I can be strong, but not the way I was pretending to be. It's not okay, I'm not fine, it's not fine, it is a big deal, and I am strong, that's why you're hearing about it.<br />
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I'm going to stop pretending.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-80852979686050609722012-07-31T23:12:00.002-06:002012-07-31T23:12:58.806-06:00Moving ForwardEveryone I talk to is aware of how much I love China because I could gush for hours about it. The hardest part of coming home has been to move forward. Each day I'm more and more aware of the distance that is coming between my time in China and where I am now. In 3 short days, I will have been home a whole month, but it feels like a lifetime.<br />
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My older sister and I plan to go to China again next summer to visit the land we both love so much. Because of that, I pushed hard to get back into life so I can prepare to return in less than a year. I am working as a server at a restaurant and I picked up a job as a nanny. My main concern is that with school, two jobs will be too much. However, if I don't get financial aid like I need, I will be paying full tuition so two jobs will be the only way for me to get back to China after two semesters. I hope that I can bear the weight and get my associates as planned in the spring and celebrate with a trip to China.<br />
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When I have a rough day or start to feel homesick for China, I think of what I need to do to get there again. China is my motivation. China is how I move forward without forgetting the past. I think of all my friends who are there. I think of the promise I made when I left that I would come back soon. I think of my small, beautiful Chinese family that claimed me when I began to tutor their son. I think of the beautiful children in a small village who stole a piece of my heart. I think of the boss of our favorite restaurant who greeted us with a smile and a wave each time we rounded the corner. I think of the foreigners I met from all over the world that are still there (and I feel a little jealous).<br />
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I never appreciated technology so much until I went to China and email was my main contact with friends and family. I appreciate it even more now because it keeps me connected to the people I love 6,000 miles away by the Chinese equivalent to MSN Messenger called QQ.<br />
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No words can describe how deeply I love China. No words can describe the emptiness in my heart. I feel incomplete without China. I didn't have to go to China, but I chose to. It was the best decision I have made in my life and my eyes have been opened in so many ways. It has changed me and my future forever.<br />
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I want to tell you about my Chinese friends and family.<br />
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Richard (王彬彬)<br />
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Richard was my first Chinese friend. We met in Hong Kong because Brad, one of the guys teaching in Nanjing with us brought him on the group tour. His English is excellent. From the very start, I just loved him. We connected. He made me laugh, smile, and when I needed someone to lean on, he would let me lean on him. He would often put his arm around me and tell me I was different than the other people in our group. He could sense my deep love for China and it connected us even more. He is my "brother" and I miss him so much. We have video chatted and QQed many times since coming home and the most common phrase we both use is, "I miss you."<br />
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Tony (王刚)<br />
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Tony is another great "brother." He also has fantastic English. We met because Richard's best friend Alan came to hang out with us and he brought all his roommates, Tony being one of them. One day, I was telling Tony on QQ that I was planning to go with my friend to the Nanjing Massacre Museum. He thought that we needed a guide and in his forceful Chinese way, he convinced me that we did in fact, need a guide. We met them at the metro stop near the museum and Tony and his friend asked if we had eaten. Because we were still new to the country, we made the mistake of saying we were hungry. This led us to a restaurant where they bought us food to eat despite our protests and attempts to hand them money. After walking through the museum (which was really sad and depressing) we took the metro to the stop nearest our apartment building. After the metro, we had a 10-20 minute walk and we talked the whole way about American TV and other funny things. We joked and laughed so much. After that, any time spent with Tony was completely full of laughter. He is crazy and quirky, but really smart. He studies hard, but always made time to come play with the foreigners. We have also videoed and QQed and "I miss you" is often used.<br />
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William (扬文键)<br />
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William sat next to me on the bus one day. I could tell he wanted to talk to me so I pulled out my headphone and patiently waited until he was ready. Near the end of the bus ride, he leaned over to show me a text he had typed in English. It read, "Hey beauty. I want to be your friend but don't have a deal. Can you give me your phone number?" I don't know what he meant by "don't have a deal." but I held back a laugh and told him I have a QQ number so he added me on QQ. We talked a lot on QQ and at first, he would make comments about how he wanted me to go on a date with him or he wanted to take me to dinner. As time went on, that died out because I always deflected it with comments about going with all the foreigners so he could meet us all. His English name was Young because his Chinese last name is Yang. One day he asked for an English last name. I suggested changing Young to his English last name and putting William as his first. He liked it a lot and always introduced himself as William Young. I call him Will, but I'm the only one he is okay with calling him that. Otherwise, he prefers to be called by William. After a month of just QQ, I felt strongly that it was time to get him over to hang out with us. So I invited him to come to KTV (karaoke) with us. He was so nervous and excited. After saying goodbye that night, he told me how much he loves our culture. We laugh and have fun together more than his Chinese friends do. He wanted to be a part of it as much as he could. After that, we hung out every weekend the remainder of my time in China. He has become a wonderful friend and someone I care so much about. His English is coming along really well and we talk a lot about when I come back to China. He wants to show me his hometown and meet his family. I miss him so much and when he has time, we QQ also.<br />
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Shirley (王菲)<br />
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Richard liked Shirley and he brought her to our big birthday bash for him and Brad. It was near the end of my time in China, but we both immediately liked each other. We talked openly to each other that day about matters of the heart and became fast, good friends. I wasn't able to see her much after meeting her, but one morning, we went hiking to the top of a small mountain in Nanjing together. It was fun and made our friendship much stronger. We often talk on QQ and encourage each other in our lives.<br />
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Guo Ying<br />
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Guo Ying is my Chinese sister. One day, my friend got a text message from someone who was in her contact list from the person who used her phone before from a previous group that came through the same program. It was Guo Ying looking for someone to tutor her 3 year-old son. I don't think it was a coincidence that my friends phone was the only phone in our group with the same SIM card as the previous user. My friend already had a tutoring job so she told me about this one. After making contact with the Foreign Affairs office at the school, we arranged to meet. I took a taxi to her apartment and she met me at the gate. Right away, I loved her. We went into the apartment and met Mickey, the little boy I would tutor. He came up to me and gave me a BIG hug. He then chatted non-stop to me in Chinese calling me 美国老师 which means American teacher. We spent an hour sitting on the floor in his playroom looking at little flash cards and a book. He ran around throwing things and showing me his toys intermittently while telling me what the picture was in English. Mickey is adorable and I hate being away and missing him growing up. The other half of the time, Guo Ying told me traditional Chinese stories and explained some history to me or taught me new Chinese words. Guo Ying and her husband then took me to the Confucius Temple shopping area. In the car on the way there, Mickey kissed me right on the lips and told me he loved me. It was so sweet, but a little alarming at the same time. At the temple, they bought me gifts and told me about the history of the area. All the time, Guo Ying told me that I must call her sister and that we were having a party to welcome me to their family. They then took me out to an expensive restaurant where we celebrated and toasted me into the family. After lunch, she made me sit and get my nails painted. They spoiled me and made me feel so special. Almost every time I went to tutor, Guo Ying and I would go out to dinner after or sit and talk for a bit. One day, I told her I needed some new clothes. We arrange to go shopping together. We went to the center of the city and walked through store after store. She bought dinner (boiled duck intestines and blood) and made us try other traditional Chinese snacks. Then she bought dessert. I was SO full since I made the mistake of eating before going. When I didn't find anything I liked while shopping, she sent me a list of links for shopping online. I told her what I liked and she ordered them for me. When they arrived at her house, she brought them to me. Finally, when I arrived at her house for the last time, she gave me an expensive comb and brush set and we cried and hugged several times. Then she owed me just 50 yuan and instead, she handed me a 100 yuan banknote. When I tried to give her some change, she wouldn't take it. She said over and over, "I will very miss you. You must come back soon. China very miss you. Mickey very love you. You must come back to your Chinese family. Your Chinese family wait you come back." It was heart wrenching.<br />
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These people play a big roll in why I love China so much. I miss it with my whole heart and I can't wait to go back. I couldn't talk too much about moving on in the blog post because it's obvious that I haven't moved on. But I am trying to fill the emptiness until I go back.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-43871443922710543162012-07-08T01:42:00.002-06:002012-07-08T01:42:49.195-06:00Jet Lag... Not So FunI'm home from 5 months of heaven. When you live halfway across the world, it changes you in ways you can't ever describe. It's something everyone needs to experience on their own. I love China more than I ever thought possible. The people are incredible, the culture is incredible, and my experience there was incredible. I made friends I want to have forever and I learned things I will have forever. I love China so much that I'm going back, maybe not for five months, but at least to visit the people I love so much. I'm addicted to the best place on the planet.<br />
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My time in China took me all over the country. It's huge. I mean, HUGE. You never realize how big the world is until you spend 20 hours on a train that takes you across only half of one country. There is so much to see in this world. I've always dreamed of going places in Europe, but now, if I have money to go abroad, I won't be going to Europe, Africa, or South America. I'll be going to Asia. I'll be going to China.<br />
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A little blog post can never and will never begin to be the place I express my feelings for China because there isn't a language on this planet that can accurately describe how I feel about China. It's special. Don't worry, I still love America, too. I haven't forgotten my country.<br />
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Anyway, jet lag. It's not so fun. I'm only going to complain for a second and then I'll move on. When I really want to sleep, I know I can't. When I really need to sleep, I can't. Sometimes, when I take a nap, I wake up ten times more exhausted and disoriented. Awful. The end.<br />
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I'm so grateful that I had the opportunity to go to China. It was a dream come true and so life changing. I am so grateful to Heavenly Father for allowing me to go, for helping me to get there, and for answering all my prayers and showing me his hand in China. I can never thank Him enough for the most amazing experience of my life. Heavenly Father loves his children. He really loves them all. I wish you could see how present he is in China. He's there. He's really there.<br />
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Thank you to all the people who emailed me and supported me while I was in China. It meant the world to me that you were willing to listen to me blab about how much I love it. I hope you can get used to hearing about China more because I won't be forgetting about it any time soon. Thank you for your love. I love you back!Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-29852387980332169982012-01-06T16:28:00.000-07:002012-01-06T16:28:13.127-07:00China Blog!Hey everyone! So I leave for China in just 20 days! I have created a blog just for my adventures in China. This will be my main contact since China blocks most social networks. Click here: <a href="http://www.chinaontheinside.blogspot.com">China On The Inside</a>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-71500819583036139942011-12-23T16:33:00.000-07:002011-12-23T16:33:02.458-07:00Merry Chirstmas!Christmas time can be so busy! I've felt more stressed this year at Christmas time than ever before. As think of all the things I'm trying to do and the money I'm trying to make, I feel like I haven't had as much time to think about Jesus Christ and his birth. None the less, I've been leaning quite heavily on my Savior lately and he has been a big part of my life.<br />
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I work at a restaurant and lately, they've cut everyone's hours. Go figure right? Christmas time and they cut hours. I've been working about half as many hours as I need so I've been picking up tons more shifts at my second job where usually, I'm just a substitute when someone goes out of town. Not only that, but I've been babysiting and people have paid me to wrap presents for them. China and school are expensive just by themselves, but put them both together and you have a lot of money... Heavenly Father promised to bless me and I've been blessed in a lot of ways, but I've had to work to receive those blessings. I've learned a lot and really had to push the stress levels down a lot. Things work out, but only if you do your part. I have to admit I am really ready to just take a day off of everything to relax. I'm so grateful to all the people who have been supportive and willing to help me out. I couldn't ask for better friends and family.<br />
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Just one month and two days until I go to China with my best friend! It's coming so fast! I remember when I first decided to go. It was over a year ago now. It's been a long time coming. I remember when I learned our departure date and it was four months away. How time has flown! I feel so unprepared to go and there are so many things to consider and put together before I leave. Not only that, but I'm anticipating being really homesick like I am every time I move away. I know it will be completely worth it and I plan on emailing and skypeing tons and tons. I think it will really help to have my best friend with me also. When I was at the resort, I felt much more at home once I had made good friends.<br />
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I hope that everyone has felt loved and cared for this Christmas season as I have. I also hope that it hasn't been too stressful and that you've thought of Jesus and his birth as he is the reason for the season. Merry Christmas to you all!Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-51933337205021044092011-11-26T14:49:00.000-07:002012-08-01T08:52:32.362-06:00Happy Late Thanksgiving!Okay, I know that Thanksgiving was two days ago, but I just really wanted to write a post about people and things I love and am grateful for.<br />
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Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ: For all the tender mercies they grant me, loving me unconditionally, blessing me with all the wonderful things I have in my life, sending me the spirit, answering prayers, giving me opportunities to grow and learn, sending me trials, sending me wonderful people, always being there so I don't feel alone.<br />
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My Parents: For supporting me, letting me live my dreams, laughing at me when I do dumb things, letting me live with them, listening to my worries and concerns even if they are trivial or dumb, loving me, working hard, teaching me good things and helping me live the gospel.<br />
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My siblings: For teasing me non-stop, helping me to laugh at myself, playing games and talking, being great examples, acting like crazies.<br />
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My best friend: For listening to everything I say, understanding me, making me laugh like no one else can, reminding me to be silly sometimes, going to China with me so I don't have to go alone, being a great example, teaching me, going to Barnes and Noble with me, being my best friend.<br />
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My friends: For skipping classes with me, texting me in class, doing crazy things with me, watching movies and quoting kid history, listening to my music and pretending to like it, listening to me and understanding me, sticking with me through the years, always being there, being great examples of faith and love, laughing at me.<br />
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Work: Ideally, I would just be rich and not need to work, but I am so grateful to be able to work for the things I want like school and China. I'm grateful that I have a job where I have friends and good managers who keep things uplifting and positive and make me feel like a winner. :)<br />
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School: I'm not thankful for homework, but I'm so glad I can go to school and learn. I love being able to learn new things and become a better person. I am grateful that I can pay for my education and that my teachers are so nice and understanding.<br />
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America: Freedom to practice whatever religion I want, to say what I want, and to be what I want. I love America and the freedoms I enjoy. I am proud to be an American!<br />
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Money: I know, this is so shallow, but I am so grateful for money because it teaches me a lot. Paying for school and China has been hard, but I'm so glad that I had to work for those things. You work hard for things that are important to you.<br />
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China: I am so glad China exists so I can go spend five months teaching English with my best friend. :)<br />
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I am so blessed and overwhelmed with everything in my life. Life isn't perfect, but it sure is wonderful!<br />
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Happy Holidays!Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-32346605742296847382011-10-26T14:59:00.000-06:002012-08-01T08:57:40.804-06:00Life Sure Is Crazy!Hello! Long time no see/type? So here's just an update on the things going on in my life.<br />
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I'm going to Weber State full time where I'm working towards my Elementary Education degree (and not even half way yet). I work 20 to 30 hours a week at a restaurant where I try to make enough money to pay for expensive tuition and payments for China.<br />
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I leave for China to teach English for 5 months on January 30th with my best friend. I will spend a few days touring Hong Kong before going to my assigned school, which I will be informed of in December. I'm beyond excited since I've been wanting to go for over a year and it's finally happening! :)<br />
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I have the best friends anyone could ask for. They are good people, they help me be a better person and help me out when I need them. I can't say how glad I am to have them. They text me while I'm bored in class, watch movies with me, and follow me when I decide to go somewhere on a whim.<br />
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I love my family so much, they are so supportive of everything going on. I love sitting down with my mom and updating her on all things school, boys, work, and friends. I know my family members all love me and care about what goes on in my life. I love them all very very much.<br />
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I'm a member of the Welcoming Committee in my ward and I haven't really gotten a chance to do much yet, but I'm really excited to meet all the new people that come into the ward and make some new friends to add to the other wonderful friends.<br />
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After coming back from working at the resort, I felt a little like a different person. I'm more adventurous and spontaneous. I'm more me, and I have gotten to where I like myself for who I am.<br />
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Life is definitely going uphill right now and I'm grateful to be out of the slumps I was in at the beginning of the year. I'm very blessed in all aspects of my life. It helps to be postive when things get hard, because they still do sometimes. Either way, I love Heavenly Father and Jesus very much and I'm trying very hard to please them. I have so much, how could I forsake them?Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-28357784298165355742011-08-28T22:07:00.000-06:002012-08-01T08:58:42.556-06:00Homework ProtocolIf you happen to be writing a paper for English, this is how it must be done.<br />
<div>
<ol>
<li>Get on Facebook.</li>
<li>Pull up the Word Perfect, if you are up to date unlike me, you pull up Microsoft Word</li>
<li>Check email.</li>
<li>Type in header and other required info (Name, date, teacher, class.)</li>
<li>Find a reason to type something in the blog.</li>
<li>Watch the new Kid History Episode</li>
<li>Think, "Oh yeah I have to write that paper!" And go write the title and one sentence before going back to facebook one more time.</li>
</ol>
<div>
I know that it takes ten times longer to write the paper this way, but it's a lot more entertaining. Cheers!</div>
</div>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-62475953432602546662011-08-26T14:30:00.000-06:002012-08-01T09:04:26.288-06:00Weber State, Weber State, Great, Great, Great!First week of school as a transfer student at Weber: Success!<br />
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On the first day of school, I got really confused trying to find my health education class. Turns out it's in the gym building of all places and I didn't realize that. I kept thinking, "That's the wrong building!"<br />
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The bus ride is 1 hour and fifteen minutes.<br />
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I only go Monday Wednesday Friday. Perfect!<br />
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I come home from school completely ravenous.<br />
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College is the PERFECT place to people watch. You wouldn't believe the things people do. Also the bus.<br />
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I like big libraries and Weber State's library fits those qualifications. I've already checked out some books. :)<br />
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There were people praying in the middle of the bookstore.<br />
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I got a free water bottle! Three cheers for free stuff!<br />
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My history teacher has something against ANY other college except Weber. If you wear other colleges clothing, he will "slap it off you."<br />
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I only have to take one or two finals at end of semester. The rest are papers and that is CAKE!<br />
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This semester is going to be fun!<br />
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Weber State, Weber State, Great! Great! GREAT!<br />
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<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-63909835300187787602011-08-11T21:43:00.000-06:002012-08-01T09:03:34.924-06:00Things I'll missI go home from working at Zion Ponderosa in less than a week and it makes me a little sad. I will miss a lot of things about this place.<br />
<ul>
<li>The completely amazing people I have been able to meet and become friends with.</li>
<li>Being able to go into Zion National Park any time day or night.</li>
<li>The stars and the milky way.</li>
<li>Zion Canyon at night.</li>
<li>Sleeping under the stars.</li>
<li>Staying up all hours of the night talking and watching movies with friends.</li>
<li>Swimming in the AWESOME pool.</li>
<li>Spontaneous fun.</li>
<li>Doing all kinds of fun things for free. I.E. Four wheeling, horseback riding, canyoneering, jeep tours etc.</li>
<li>Talking to people from all over the world.</li>
<li>30 min. phone calls with guests. NOT.</li>
<li>All the activities at the resort. IE Bonfires, volleyball, night hikes, rodeos.</li>
<li>Hiking</li>
<li>Bunny rabbit hunting</li>
<li>Driving up North Fork Road way too fast because we all know the road so well.</li>
<li>Getting huge tips from people.</li>
<li>Radio conversations. "Did you order something for Zion Ponderoa" "Ponderow row row your boat!"</li>
<li>Joy riding in the golf carts.</li>
<li>Telling people the story of Jolley and touring Jolley's Cabin.</li>
<li>Days at the pool</li>
</ul>
Things I will not miss:<br />
<ul>
<li>Mountain goats and tourists. NOT a good combination.</li>
<li>Wal-Mart is an hour away.</li>
<li>The meal plan. The food was fine, but I like to be able to cook for myself.</li>
<li>Working and missing out on awesome stuff. :(</li>
<li>Missing my family and friends back home.</li>
<li>No cellphone service</li>
<li>Annoying guests. "Zion Ponderosa this is Sarah." "Hi, is this Zion Ponderosa?"</li>
<li>Long car rides</li>
</ul>
Zion Ponderosa, I will miss you!Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-28785994760661682712011-07-28T22:10:00.000-06:002012-08-01T09:02:03.071-06:00Golf Cart MadnessToday at work, I rented a golf cart out to a customer and her sons. She wanted me to show her how to drive it. It went a little like this:<br />
Me: Okay, here is the gas peddle, if you push this knob all the way to the left, it will put the cart into drive.<br />
Lady: Like this? (She then drives up over the curb onto the grass screaming until she found the brake)<br />
Me: Yes, like that.<br />
Sons: I think we'll walk.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-72182420910263247592011-07-20T13:29:00.000-06:002012-08-01T08:59:42.624-06:00To Jump or not to JumpSo a bunch of my co-workers are planning a skydiving trip. I REALLY want to go. Especially because it is on my bucket list. The only problem is, I need to pay for school and I feel like if I go, I might be short on money. My dilema is, do I be responsible and act like a grown up? Or do I be spontaneous and JUMP? Lucky for me, this is the kind of problem I have to worry about and not something much worse.<br />
<br />
Right now I'm leaning towards jumping. I really would be okay if I didn't go. I would just wish I had gone. I want to JUMP!!!Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-91318914389239565232011-07-16T21:38:00.000-06:002012-08-01T08:59:57.286-06:00In Loving MemoryFour years ago today, my grandma passed away. I miss her lots and I'm glad that I get to share a name with her since she was a truly wonderful woman. <br />
Love you Grandma Joy!Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8068133838379878554.post-87674065373230083272011-06-22T13:24:00.001-06:002011-07-16T21:24:22.722-06:00Vacation While I WorkHere I am at Zion Ponderosa Resort livin' it up! I live in an apartment with 8 or 9 other girls and I share a room with 3. I work full time five days a week or more if I pick up a shift. The resort is right by Zion's National Park and I get into the park free while I work here. On my days off I get to go hiking etc. I eat the meals they serve to the guests and the food is alright. The only bad thing, I don't have a car so when I do have a day off, I can't do what I want, I have to mooch off other people and it's totally lame. So today was supposed to be my day off, but I didn't have anything to do so when I got asked to pick up an 8 hour shift, I did! Unfortunately, time passes really slow at the gift shop so I just kind of get bored. It's okay though, I get to blog. :) <br />
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I really feel like I am on vacation here, not working. Work isn't hard, I actually really like being a receptionist and answering the phones. I get to do all the activities on the resort for free while I'm here and I've already hit up the hot tub, the zip line, the bonfire, and the mini golf! The only bad thing? Everything is 30+ minutes away. It's weird since I grew up in a city where <em>everything</em> is 10 minutes away at the most. <br />
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It is really beautiful up here and the stars are bright. I really do miss my family and friends and I keep thinking of things to tell them. I have access to email so lots of people should email me so I can be connected. My email is on my facebook page. If you email me your address, I'll send you a post card from here. :)<br />
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Live it up!Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14928763525229004516noreply@blogger.com0