Adventure is Out There!

My sister made this cool little canvas painting that says, "Adventure is out there." Maybe because I went to China, or because of her passion for life, I've been thinking so much about what I want to do, be and accomplish.

We went to my grandpa's to visit on Sunday, just me and my two sisters. We talked about travelling and my grandpa said that after he went to India and China while he served in the Air Force, "I wanted to swim in every ocean, climb every mountain, and hit every city." This explains exactly the feeling you get when you catch the bug. The travel bug. Maybe you haven't caught that bug, but you should! You never realize how small the world is or how big it is. I knew there are 7 billion people on the planet, but I never thought about the fact that I would NEVER even begin to know all of them. It depressed me a little to realize that because it's so clear to me that there are so many incredible people on this planet and I just want to know them all. The most amazing people are the ones making a difference in their small village or big city without recognition, without fame or fortune. I want to find them. ( I just had inspiration. I could meet those people and write a book about them! It's just a thought. :) ) So in this life of mine, I hope to travel the world and open my eyes to my global surroundings.

People always like to talk about the people in their lives who made huge differences for them. Most of the time, people talk about a teacher. Teachers have the power to influence and change their students lives forever. This is why I'm an elementary education major. I want to inspire, lift, help, and love every student that walks into my classroom. I want to be the difference in their lives. I don't know how I can do this or if I even have the capacity to, but I have to try. If I don't, I'll always wish I had. Live life without regrets. Even if it means risking it all.

One of the biggest things I've learned in my "adulthood" is that life doesn't work out the way you plan. Their are broken hearts, failed plans, unexpected changes, and many disappointments and difficult decisions. At times I wish I could go back to the simple life of a child where broken hearts came from broken crayons. Then I examine the person I am because of the broken hearts, disappointments, and other things and realize, given the choice, I would never go back. Why? Because midst all those trials come a lot, and I mean a lot of happy times.  I've found that my determination is strong and I am braver than I realized. I've done things and said things that have shocked me as I've gone after the things I want. I don't always get what I want, but that hasn't stopped me or discouraged me (maybe sometimes it does, but I get back up on my feet). I always go after what I want and nothing anyone says can stop me. If you don't want me to do something, don't tell me I can't because that only feeds the flame, my friends.

I grew up in this city. I've lived here most of my life. I love this place and my family and all the memories that flood my mind when I go for a short drive or look out my windows, but now that I've seen another world, another culture, I feel like I can't stay here for the remainder of my life. It will always be home, my return to reality and life, but not my cage. I expect great things from myself. Nothing less. Look out world, here I come!

Stop Pretending

So without being too dramatic or anything, I just need to get some things out.

I have this issue where I pretend everything is fine, I'm fine, what happened was fine, don't worry about it, it's not a big deal, I'm strong. Really, inside, I'm hurt, angry, confused, or otherwise feeling an uncomfortable emotion. I don't tell people how I really feel for more than one reason, but the biggest one is that I don't want them to hurt or  feel bad. Today, my friend gave me some words of wisdom. He said that I should stop babysitting everyone's feelings and stop taking on the consequences of other peoples mistakes they should take on instead. I realized that he is so right. I suffer with unsaid words and unexpressed emotions. Anyone else in my situation would have said how they felt without hesitation. Why do I hesitate? Who am I protecting? I've made a new goal. If someone hurts me, I'm not going to pretend to be strong, like it's just fine. I'm going to stand up for myself. No one is going to walk all over me and my emotions anymore. I can be strong, but not the way I was pretending to be. It's not okay, I'm not fine, it's not fine, it is a big deal, and I am strong, that's why you're hearing about it.

I'm going to stop pretending.