Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Sporcle
I know all 48 countries in Asia including the Middle East. I tried listing the first 100 hundred Pokemon (and failed). I do word ladders, trivia questions, and random Harry Potter quizzes. It's Sporcle and it's the best website ever! You can take quizzes on almost anything you can think of. Ever wonder what countries eat the most turkey per capita? Take the quiz and find out. (USA is first and Israel is second, go figure!) Maybe you have a fantastic memory of all things sports, then prove it by taking a quiz. History buff? Go to the history section. Language, literature, geography, science, entertainment, movies, television, music, religion, gaming, and holidays. I could waste hours on this site. Oh wait, I already do! Click here to go check it out!
Friday, November 2, 2012
Smacking Myself in the Head
I said I'd smack myself in the head for my poor thinking in my last post, and this is letting you know that I kept my word.
After saying how alone I felt and how I didn't want to talk to anyone, Heavenly Father sorta "forced" some people on me. This humbled me and made the past two weeks better. Though I spend more time than I'd like sitting at home doing nothing, I still had people asking me to come around. One friend asked me if I'd like to go to lunch with her almost two weeks in advanced. She said she wanted to see me but didn't have time for awhile. It made me feel good. An old friend asked me to come hang out with him twice in one week. Another friend invited me to go with her and some friends out to dinner at an authentic Vietnamese restaurant. And again today, she texted me randomly asking if she could come say hi to me at school for a few minutes before her class.I went and visited an old teacher who is very dear to me. She listens to my stories and always tells me exactly what she thinks. She caught me off-guard with some suggestions that could very well change my life forever. It's these small things that are making a big difference for me. They may seem like nothing to you, but to me, they are everything right now. I'm being reminded that I am surrounded by people who care I'm still trying to figure out why, but it's good to know they care. Especially my friend in the "Holy Land" who texts me to see if I'm okay, to tell me funny things, or talk to me about something she is dealing with. I miss her, but I'm so glad she is still there for me even if she lives "far" away.
Sure I still have breakdowns and I still feel sad sometimes, it's like I'm looking at a light at the end of the tunnel and it's slowly approaching. It had to get very dark first before the light could come chase it away. The darkest moment was the hardest and it was then that I wanted to shut out the world and disappear for awhile. I wanted to stop trying, but I didn't.
Heavenly Father gave me a way to deal with my problems more positively. He told me how to buoy up my spirit. At first it seemed like a strange idea and not something I really thought I needed to do or something that would really help, but then I realized that I was being like Naaman in the Bible. I always wondered why the idea of washing himself seven times was so ridiculous he wouldn't even try it until I was given my own "healing potion" and I thought it sounded too simple. I put aside my pride and did as he suggested. That's when the light appeared at the end of this long tunnel. Like I said, I'm not out yet, but I'm getting there and I feel his love and the love of those around me. I've accepted that I'm not in China. I've stopped thinking that I'd be more happy in China. I need to face these problems and deal with my issues instead of running from them by using the "if I was in China..." excuse. Though it would be nice to run from my problems, they will always catch up to me in the end, and I'd much rather deal with these problems while they are small. I have a lot of things to be grateful for. Instead of finding so many reasons to be sad, I am finding the reasons to be happy. That's one good way I've learned to find joy in my journey.
After saying how alone I felt and how I didn't want to talk to anyone, Heavenly Father sorta "forced" some people on me. This humbled me and made the past two weeks better. Though I spend more time than I'd like sitting at home doing nothing, I still had people asking me to come around. One friend asked me if I'd like to go to lunch with her almost two weeks in advanced. She said she wanted to see me but didn't have time for awhile. It made me feel good. An old friend asked me to come hang out with him twice in one week. Another friend invited me to go with her and some friends out to dinner at an authentic Vietnamese restaurant. And again today, she texted me randomly asking if she could come say hi to me at school for a few minutes before her class.I went and visited an old teacher who is very dear to me. She listens to my stories and always tells me exactly what she thinks. She caught me off-guard with some suggestions that could very well change my life forever. It's these small things that are making a big difference for me. They may seem like nothing to you, but to me, they are everything right now. I'm being reminded that I am surrounded by people who care I'm still trying to figure out why, but it's good to know they care. Especially my friend in the "Holy Land" who texts me to see if I'm okay, to tell me funny things, or talk to me about something she is dealing with. I miss her, but I'm so glad she is still there for me even if she lives "far" away.
Sure I still have breakdowns and I still feel sad sometimes, it's like I'm looking at a light at the end of the tunnel and it's slowly approaching. It had to get very dark first before the light could come chase it away. The darkest moment was the hardest and it was then that I wanted to shut out the world and disappear for awhile. I wanted to stop trying, but I didn't.
Heavenly Father gave me a way to deal with my problems more positively. He told me how to buoy up my spirit. At first it seemed like a strange idea and not something I really thought I needed to do or something that would really help, but then I realized that I was being like Naaman in the Bible. I always wondered why the idea of washing himself seven times was so ridiculous he wouldn't even try it until I was given my own "healing potion" and I thought it sounded too simple. I put aside my pride and did as he suggested. That's when the light appeared at the end of this long tunnel. Like I said, I'm not out yet, but I'm getting there and I feel his love and the love of those around me. I've accepted that I'm not in China. I've stopped thinking that I'd be more happy in China. I need to face these problems and deal with my issues instead of running from them by using the "if I was in China..." excuse. Though it would be nice to run from my problems, they will always catch up to me in the end, and I'd much rather deal with these problems while they are small. I have a lot of things to be grateful for. Instead of finding so many reasons to be sad, I am finding the reasons to be happy. That's one good way I've learned to find joy in my journey.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Ups and Downs in Life
So lately I think my blog has taken a turn for the more dramatic side, or maybe it's always been, but it's really just a good place for me to let out all my feelings and really think about them.
I feel like I'm kind of in the down part of life. This said, I know how fortunate I am to have a family, a home, a good job, school, my body etc, etc. Even though there are so many people I could turn to who would try to help me or comfort me, I feel alone. I don't feel like talking to all these other people. Not because I don't think they could understand, but because I don't see how it can help. This is poor thinking on my part and I will smack myself on the back of the head for it later, but right now, I don't want to. I've been struggling for a long time. I've struggled to get back into life again. I keep asking myself where the Sarah is that worked two jobs and still got all her homework done, or had little time for friends and was okay with it. Where is the Sarah that had higher standards and made less mistakes. She's not there anymore and I miss her. She didn't cry so much or care what other people thought so much. She laughed and smiled a lot more and things seemed simpler because she always had a plan and knew exactly what she wanted. She didn't have to fall to her knees in despair and cry to God in desperation. She didn't have to pretend to be okay because she was okay. I feel broken and I'm carrying a lot of baggage. I don't know how to get rid of it or really deal with it. It's hard to deal with baggage when you aren't really sure what's inside and you can't find the words to express it. I recently wrote in my journal that if life had to get hard now so China could be so great later, it'd be worth it. I'm trying to keep that attitude, but sometimes I get lost in all the feelings and forget that I'm going back. I actually forget. Can you believe that? I'm just riding the waves trying to get through the storm. I hope the sun comes out soon. I really need to see the sun.
I feel like I'm kind of in the down part of life. This said, I know how fortunate I am to have a family, a home, a good job, school, my body etc, etc. Even though there are so many people I could turn to who would try to help me or comfort me, I feel alone. I don't feel like talking to all these other people. Not because I don't think they could understand, but because I don't see how it can help. This is poor thinking on my part and I will smack myself on the back of the head for it later, but right now, I don't want to. I've been struggling for a long time. I've struggled to get back into life again. I keep asking myself where the Sarah is that worked two jobs and still got all her homework done, or had little time for friends and was okay with it. Where is the Sarah that had higher standards and made less mistakes. She's not there anymore and I miss her. She didn't cry so much or care what other people thought so much. She laughed and smiled a lot more and things seemed simpler because she always had a plan and knew exactly what she wanted. She didn't have to fall to her knees in despair and cry to God in desperation. She didn't have to pretend to be okay because she was okay. I feel broken and I'm carrying a lot of baggage. I don't know how to get rid of it or really deal with it. It's hard to deal with baggage when you aren't really sure what's inside and you can't find the words to express it. I recently wrote in my journal that if life had to get hard now so China could be so great later, it'd be worth it. I'm trying to keep that attitude, but sometimes I get lost in all the feelings and forget that I'm going back. I actually forget. Can you believe that? I'm just riding the waves trying to get through the storm. I hope the sun comes out soon. I really need to see the sun.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Chinese People
When I came home from China, I found myself struggling with a lot of emotions. Sadness at having to leave and a deep feeling of longing for my friends in the Middle Kingdom to name two. To keep in contact with these friends, I often wake up early and get on QQ (Chinese MSN) to talk to them about life in China and America.
I feel comfortable telling them the way it is. How I really feel and the things I'm really dealing with. In response to my troubles, I feel so loved and understood by my friends. They offer encouragement, support, and a look into a bright future. I know I was meant to meet the people I did. I know that God's hand was a part of every second I spent in China. I am overwhelmed with gratitude to these people for their real love, support, and friendship. Even though they are half way across the world in another time zone and another culture, they have the time to be there for me. They often tell me, "Hope you happy every day." when we say goodbye and they go to bed and I start my day. It's just what I need to continue pushing through the hard times. I suggest everyone gets some Chinese friends like mine. They are the best. Joy, Carl, Tony, Richard, William, Guo Ying, Derek, Robin, and Shirley, I love you!
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Peace, Love, China!
It's official! I'm going BACK to China! I was given a fantastic scholarship from China Horizons (check them out by clicking here). I applied for the scholarship on a whim without thinking I'd actually get it. Then, the email came with congratulations. I have the opportunity to live in a "foster home" in China for three months working with the staff and children there. The children are all between 0-4 years old and have special health needs. They receive health care and love until they are adopted by families all over the world. I can't tell you the feeling of joy that swells inside me to know that I once again get to live in China. I never dreamed it possible that I would get to go back so soon. The Lord works in mysterious ways, but let's just say, I'm not complaining!
When I went through all the pages on the Starfish Foster Home webpage, I bawled like a baby. Maybe you will too. I love the people in China and I can't believe I get to go and serve them more. They have given me so much and I can't wait to repay their kindness. I can't wait to hold these babies and love them with all my heart.
My tentative departure date is Valentine's day, but so much can change and since this is the first time CH is doing the scholarship, it will be a process, but I am honored that I was chosen to pioneer this adventure. Here's to yet another adventure! China, here I come!
P.S. I waited until I wasn't freaking out to write this so it wouldn't be so crazy all over the place. You're welcome! ;)
When I went through all the pages on the Starfish Foster Home webpage, I bawled like a baby. Maybe you will too. I love the people in China and I can't believe I get to go and serve them more. They have given me so much and I can't wait to repay their kindness. I can't wait to hold these babies and love them with all my heart.
My tentative departure date is Valentine's day, but so much can change and since this is the first time CH is doing the scholarship, it will be a process, but I am honored that I was chosen to pioneer this adventure. Here's to yet another adventure! China, here I come!
P.S. I waited until I wasn't freaking out to write this so it wouldn't be so crazy all over the place. You're welcome! ;)
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Adventure is Out There!
My sister made this cool little canvas painting that says, "Adventure is out there." Maybe because I went to China, or because of her passion for life, I've been thinking so much about what I want to do, be and accomplish.
We went to my grandpa's to visit on Sunday, just me and my two sisters. We talked about travelling and my grandpa said that after he went to India and China while he served in the Air Force, "I wanted to swim in every ocean, climb every mountain, and hit every city." This explains exactly the feeling you get when you catch the bug. The travel bug. Maybe you haven't caught that bug, but you should! You never realize how small the world is or how big it is. I knew there are 7 billion people on the planet, but I never thought about the fact that I would NEVER even begin to know all of them. It depressed me a little to realize that because it's so clear to me that there are so many incredible people on this planet and I just want to know them all. The most amazing people are the ones making a difference in their small village or big city without recognition, without fame or fortune. I want to find them. ( I just had inspiration. I could meet those people and write a book about them! It's just a thought. :) ) So in this life of mine, I hope to travel the world and open my eyes to my global surroundings.
People always like to talk about the people in their lives who made huge differences for them. Most of the time, people talk about a teacher. Teachers have the power to influence and change their students lives forever. This is why I'm an elementary education major. I want to inspire, lift, help, and love every student that walks into my classroom. I want to be the difference in their lives. I don't know how I can do this or if I even have the capacity to, but I have to try. If I don't, I'll always wish I had. Live life without regrets. Even if it means risking it all.
One of the biggest things I've learned in my "adulthood" is that life doesn't work out the way you plan. Their are broken hearts, failed plans, unexpected changes, and many disappointments and difficult decisions. At times I wish I could go back to the simple life of a child where broken hearts came from broken crayons. Then I examine the person I am because of the broken hearts, disappointments, and other things and realize, given the choice, I would never go back. Why? Because midst all those trials come a lot, and I mean a lot of happy times. I've found that my determination is strong and I am braver than I realized. I've done things and said things that have shocked me as I've gone after the things I want. I don't always get what I want, but that hasn't stopped me or discouraged me (maybe sometimes it does, but I get back up on my feet). I always go after what I want and nothing anyone says can stop me. If you don't want me to do something, don't tell me I can't because that only feeds the flame, my friends.
I grew up in this city. I've lived here most of my life. I love this place and my family and all the memories that flood my mind when I go for a short drive or look out my windows, but now that I've seen another world, another culture, I feel like I can't stay here for the remainder of my life. It will always be home, my return to reality and life, but not my cage. I expect great things from myself. Nothing less. Look out world, here I come!
We went to my grandpa's to visit on Sunday, just me and my two sisters. We talked about travelling and my grandpa said that after he went to India and China while he served in the Air Force, "I wanted to swim in every ocean, climb every mountain, and hit every city." This explains exactly the feeling you get when you catch the bug. The travel bug. Maybe you haven't caught that bug, but you should! You never realize how small the world is or how big it is. I knew there are 7 billion people on the planet, but I never thought about the fact that I would NEVER even begin to know all of them. It depressed me a little to realize that because it's so clear to me that there are so many incredible people on this planet and I just want to know them all. The most amazing people are the ones making a difference in their small village or big city without recognition, without fame or fortune. I want to find them. ( I just had inspiration. I could meet those people and write a book about them! It's just a thought. :) ) So in this life of mine, I hope to travel the world and open my eyes to my global surroundings.
People always like to talk about the people in their lives who made huge differences for them. Most of the time, people talk about a teacher. Teachers have the power to influence and change their students lives forever. This is why I'm an elementary education major. I want to inspire, lift, help, and love every student that walks into my classroom. I want to be the difference in their lives. I don't know how I can do this or if I even have the capacity to, but I have to try. If I don't, I'll always wish I had. Live life without regrets. Even if it means risking it all.
One of the biggest things I've learned in my "adulthood" is that life doesn't work out the way you plan. Their are broken hearts, failed plans, unexpected changes, and many disappointments and difficult decisions. At times I wish I could go back to the simple life of a child where broken hearts came from broken crayons. Then I examine the person I am because of the broken hearts, disappointments, and other things and realize, given the choice, I would never go back. Why? Because midst all those trials come a lot, and I mean a lot of happy times. I've found that my determination is strong and I am braver than I realized. I've done things and said things that have shocked me as I've gone after the things I want. I don't always get what I want, but that hasn't stopped me or discouraged me (maybe sometimes it does, but I get back up on my feet). I always go after what I want and nothing anyone says can stop me. If you don't want me to do something, don't tell me I can't because that only feeds the flame, my friends.
I grew up in this city. I've lived here most of my life. I love this place and my family and all the memories that flood my mind when I go for a short drive or look out my windows, but now that I've seen another world, another culture, I feel like I can't stay here for the remainder of my life. It will always be home, my return to reality and life, but not my cage. I expect great things from myself. Nothing less. Look out world, here I come!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Stop Pretending
So without being too dramatic or anything, I just need to get some things out.
I have this issue where I pretend everything is fine, I'm fine, what happened was fine, don't worry about it, it's not a big deal, I'm strong. Really, inside, I'm hurt, angry, confused, or otherwise feeling an uncomfortable emotion. I don't tell people how I really feel for more than one reason, but the biggest one is that I don't want them to hurt or feel bad. Today, my friend gave me some words of wisdom. He said that I should stop babysitting everyone's feelings and stop taking on the consequences of other peoples mistakes they should take on instead. I realized that he is so right. I suffer with unsaid words and unexpressed emotions. Anyone else in my situation would have said how they felt without hesitation. Why do I hesitate? Who am I protecting? I've made a new goal. If someone hurts me, I'm not going to pretend to be strong, like it's just fine. I'm going to stand up for myself. No one is going to walk all over me and my emotions anymore. I can be strong, but not the way I was pretending to be. It's not okay, I'm not fine, it's not fine, it is a big deal, and I am strong, that's why you're hearing about it.
I'm going to stop pretending.
I have this issue where I pretend everything is fine, I'm fine, what happened was fine, don't worry about it, it's not a big deal, I'm strong. Really, inside, I'm hurt, angry, confused, or otherwise feeling an uncomfortable emotion. I don't tell people how I really feel for more than one reason, but the biggest one is that I don't want them to hurt or feel bad. Today, my friend gave me some words of wisdom. He said that I should stop babysitting everyone's feelings and stop taking on the consequences of other peoples mistakes they should take on instead. I realized that he is so right. I suffer with unsaid words and unexpressed emotions. Anyone else in my situation would have said how they felt without hesitation. Why do I hesitate? Who am I protecting? I've made a new goal. If someone hurts me, I'm not going to pretend to be strong, like it's just fine. I'm going to stand up for myself. No one is going to walk all over me and my emotions anymore. I can be strong, but not the way I was pretending to be. It's not okay, I'm not fine, it's not fine, it is a big deal, and I am strong, that's why you're hearing about it.
I'm going to stop pretending.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Moving Forward
Everyone I talk to is aware of how much I love China because I could gush for hours about it. The hardest part of coming home has been to move forward. Each day I'm more and more aware of the distance that is coming between my time in China and where I am now. In 3 short days, I will have been home a whole month, but it feels like a lifetime.
My older sister and I plan to go to China again next summer to visit the land we both love so much. Because of that, I pushed hard to get back into life so I can prepare to return in less than a year. I am working as a server at a restaurant and I picked up a job as a nanny. My main concern is that with school, two jobs will be too much. However, if I don't get financial aid like I need, I will be paying full tuition so two jobs will be the only way for me to get back to China after two semesters. I hope that I can bear the weight and get my associates as planned in the spring and celebrate with a trip to China.
When I have a rough day or start to feel homesick for China, I think of what I need to do to get there again. China is my motivation. China is how I move forward without forgetting the past. I think of all my friends who are there. I think of the promise I made when I left that I would come back soon. I think of my small, beautiful Chinese family that claimed me when I began to tutor their son. I think of the beautiful children in a small village who stole a piece of my heart. I think of the boss of our favorite restaurant who greeted us with a smile and a wave each time we rounded the corner. I think of the foreigners I met from all over the world that are still there (and I feel a little jealous).
I never appreciated technology so much until I went to China and email was my main contact with friends and family. I appreciate it even more now because it keeps me connected to the people I love 6,000 miles away by the Chinese equivalent to MSN Messenger called QQ.
No words can describe how deeply I love China. No words can describe the emptiness in my heart. I feel incomplete without China. I didn't have to go to China, but I chose to. It was the best decision I have made in my life and my eyes have been opened in so many ways. It has changed me and my future forever.
I want to tell you about my Chinese friends and family.
Richard (王彬彬)
Richard was my first Chinese friend. We met in Hong Kong because Brad, one of the guys teaching in Nanjing with us brought him on the group tour. His English is excellent. From the very start, I just loved him. We connected. He made me laugh, smile, and when I needed someone to lean on, he would let me lean on him. He would often put his arm around me and tell me I was different than the other people in our group. He could sense my deep love for China and it connected us even more. He is my "brother" and I miss him so much. We have video chatted and QQed many times since coming home and the most common phrase we both use is, "I miss you."
Tony (王刚)
Tony is another great "brother." He also has fantastic English. We met because Richard's best friend Alan came to hang out with us and he brought all his roommates, Tony being one of them. One day, I was telling Tony on QQ that I was planning to go with my friend to the Nanjing Massacre Museum. He thought that we needed a guide and in his forceful Chinese way, he convinced me that we did in fact, need a guide. We met them at the metro stop near the museum and Tony and his friend asked if we had eaten. Because we were still new to the country, we made the mistake of saying we were hungry. This led us to a restaurant where they bought us food to eat despite our protests and attempts to hand them money. After walking through the museum (which was really sad and depressing) we took the metro to the stop nearest our apartment building. After the metro, we had a 10-20 minute walk and we talked the whole way about American TV and other funny things. We joked and laughed so much. After that, any time spent with Tony was completely full of laughter. He is crazy and quirky, but really smart. He studies hard, but always made time to come play with the foreigners. We have also videoed and QQed and "I miss you" is often used.
William (扬文键)
William sat next to me on the bus one day. I could tell he wanted to talk to me so I pulled out my headphone and patiently waited until he was ready. Near the end of the bus ride, he leaned over to show me a text he had typed in English. It read, "Hey beauty. I want to be your friend but don't have a deal. Can you give me your phone number?" I don't know what he meant by "don't have a deal." but I held back a laugh and told him I have a QQ number so he added me on QQ. We talked a lot on QQ and at first, he would make comments about how he wanted me to go on a date with him or he wanted to take me to dinner. As time went on, that died out because I always deflected it with comments about going with all the foreigners so he could meet us all. His English name was Young because his Chinese last name is Yang. One day he asked for an English last name. I suggested changing Young to his English last name and putting William as his first. He liked it a lot and always introduced himself as William Young. I call him Will, but I'm the only one he is okay with calling him that. Otherwise, he prefers to be called by William. After a month of just QQ, I felt strongly that it was time to get him over to hang out with us. So I invited him to come to KTV (karaoke) with us. He was so nervous and excited. After saying goodbye that night, he told me how much he loves our culture. We laugh and have fun together more than his Chinese friends do. He wanted to be a part of it as much as he could. After that, we hung out every weekend the remainder of my time in China. He has become a wonderful friend and someone I care so much about. His English is coming along really well and we talk a lot about when I come back to China. He wants to show me his hometown and meet his family. I miss him so much and when he has time, we QQ also.
Shirley (王菲）
Richard liked Shirley and he brought her to our big birthday bash for him and Brad. It was near the end of my time in China, but we both immediately liked each other. We talked openly to each other that day about matters of the heart and became fast, good friends. I wasn't able to see her much after meeting her, but one morning, we went hiking to the top of a small mountain in Nanjing together. It was fun and made our friendship much stronger. We often talk on QQ and encourage each other in our lives.
Guo Ying
Guo Ying is my Chinese sister. One day, my friend got a text message from someone who was in her contact list from the person who used her phone before from a previous group that came through the same program. It was Guo Ying looking for someone to tutor her 3 year-old son. I don't think it was a coincidence that my friends phone was the only phone in our group with the same SIM card as the previous user. My friend already had a tutoring job so she told me about this one. After making contact with the Foreign Affairs office at the school, we arranged to meet. I took a taxi to her apartment and she met me at the gate. Right away, I loved her. We went into the apartment and met Mickey, the little boy I would tutor. He came up to me and gave me a BIG hug. He then chatted non-stop to me in Chinese calling me 美国老师 which means American teacher. We spent an hour sitting on the floor in his playroom looking at little flash cards and a book. He ran around throwing things and showing me his toys intermittently while telling me what the picture was in English. Mickey is adorable and I hate being away and missing him growing up. The other half of the time, Guo Ying told me traditional Chinese stories and explained some history to me or taught me new Chinese words. Guo Ying and her husband then took me to the Confucius Temple shopping area. In the car on the way there, Mickey kissed me right on the lips and told me he loved me. It was so sweet, but a little alarming at the same time. At the temple, they bought me gifts and told me about the history of the area. All the time, Guo Ying told me that I must call her sister and that we were having a party to welcome me to their family. They then took me out to an expensive restaurant where we celebrated and toasted me into the family. After lunch, she made me sit and get my nails painted. They spoiled me and made me feel so special. Almost every time I went to tutor, Guo Ying and I would go out to dinner after or sit and talk for a bit. One day, I told her I needed some new clothes. We arrange to go shopping together. We went to the center of the city and walked through store after store. She bought dinner (boiled duck intestines and blood) and made us try other traditional Chinese snacks. Then she bought dessert. I was SO full since I made the mistake of eating before going. When I didn't find anything I liked while shopping, she sent me a list of links for shopping online. I told her what I liked and she ordered them for me. When they arrived at her house, she brought them to me. Finally, when I arrived at her house for the last time, she gave me an expensive comb and brush set and we cried and hugged several times. Then she owed me just 50 yuan and instead, she handed me a 100 yuan banknote. When I tried to give her some change, she wouldn't take it. She said over and over, "I will very miss you. You must come back soon. China very miss you. Mickey very love you. You must come back to your Chinese family. Your Chinese family wait you come back." It was heart wrenching.
These people play a big roll in why I love China so much. I miss it with my whole heart and I can't wait to go back. I couldn't talk too much about moving on in the blog post because it's obvious that I haven't moved on. But I am trying to fill the emptiness until I go back.
My older sister and I plan to go to China again next summer to visit the land we both love so much. Because of that, I pushed hard to get back into life so I can prepare to return in less than a year. I am working as a server at a restaurant and I picked up a job as a nanny. My main concern is that with school, two jobs will be too much. However, if I don't get financial aid like I need, I will be paying full tuition so two jobs will be the only way for me to get back to China after two semesters. I hope that I can bear the weight and get my associates as planned in the spring and celebrate with a trip to China.
When I have a rough day or start to feel homesick for China, I think of what I need to do to get there again. China is my motivation. China is how I move forward without forgetting the past. I think of all my friends who are there. I think of the promise I made when I left that I would come back soon. I think of my small, beautiful Chinese family that claimed me when I began to tutor their son. I think of the beautiful children in a small village who stole a piece of my heart. I think of the boss of our favorite restaurant who greeted us with a smile and a wave each time we rounded the corner. I think of the foreigners I met from all over the world that are still there (and I feel a little jealous).
I never appreciated technology so much until I went to China and email was my main contact with friends and family. I appreciate it even more now because it keeps me connected to the people I love 6,000 miles away by the Chinese equivalent to MSN Messenger called QQ.
No words can describe how deeply I love China. No words can describe the emptiness in my heart. I feel incomplete without China. I didn't have to go to China, but I chose to. It was the best decision I have made in my life and my eyes have been opened in so many ways. It has changed me and my future forever.
I want to tell you about my Chinese friends and family.
Richard (王彬彬)
Richard was my first Chinese friend. We met in Hong Kong because Brad, one of the guys teaching in Nanjing with us brought him on the group tour. His English is excellent. From the very start, I just loved him. We connected. He made me laugh, smile, and when I needed someone to lean on, he would let me lean on him. He would often put his arm around me and tell me I was different than the other people in our group. He could sense my deep love for China and it connected us even more. He is my "brother" and I miss him so much. We have video chatted and QQed many times since coming home and the most common phrase we both use is, "I miss you."
Tony (王刚)
Tony is another great "brother." He also has fantastic English. We met because Richard's best friend Alan came to hang out with us and he brought all his roommates, Tony being one of them. One day, I was telling Tony on QQ that I was planning to go with my friend to the Nanjing Massacre Museum. He thought that we needed a guide and in his forceful Chinese way, he convinced me that we did in fact, need a guide. We met them at the metro stop near the museum and Tony and his friend asked if we had eaten. Because we were still new to the country, we made the mistake of saying we were hungry. This led us to a restaurant where they bought us food to eat despite our protests and attempts to hand them money. After walking through the museum (which was really sad and depressing) we took the metro to the stop nearest our apartment building. After the metro, we had a 10-20 minute walk and we talked the whole way about American TV and other funny things. We joked and laughed so much. After that, any time spent with Tony was completely full of laughter. He is crazy and quirky, but really smart. He studies hard, but always made time to come play with the foreigners. We have also videoed and QQed and "I miss you" is often used.
William (扬文键)
William sat next to me on the bus one day. I could tell he wanted to talk to me so I pulled out my headphone and patiently waited until he was ready. Near the end of the bus ride, he leaned over to show me a text he had typed in English. It read, "Hey beauty. I want to be your friend but don't have a deal. Can you give me your phone number?" I don't know what he meant by "don't have a deal." but I held back a laugh and told him I have a QQ number so he added me on QQ. We talked a lot on QQ and at first, he would make comments about how he wanted me to go on a date with him or he wanted to take me to dinner. As time went on, that died out because I always deflected it with comments about going with all the foreigners so he could meet us all. His English name was Young because his Chinese last name is Yang. One day he asked for an English last name. I suggested changing Young to his English last name and putting William as his first. He liked it a lot and always introduced himself as William Young. I call him Will, but I'm the only one he is okay with calling him that. Otherwise, he prefers to be called by William. After a month of just QQ, I felt strongly that it was time to get him over to hang out with us. So I invited him to come to KTV (karaoke) with us. He was so nervous and excited. After saying goodbye that night, he told me how much he loves our culture. We laugh and have fun together more than his Chinese friends do. He wanted to be a part of it as much as he could. After that, we hung out every weekend the remainder of my time in China. He has become a wonderful friend and someone I care so much about. His English is coming along really well and we talk a lot about when I come back to China. He wants to show me his hometown and meet his family. I miss him so much and when he has time, we QQ also.
Shirley (王菲）
Richard liked Shirley and he brought her to our big birthday bash for him and Brad. It was near the end of my time in China, but we both immediately liked each other. We talked openly to each other that day about matters of the heart and became fast, good friends. I wasn't able to see her much after meeting her, but one morning, we went hiking to the top of a small mountain in Nanjing together. It was fun and made our friendship much stronger. We often talk on QQ and encourage each other in our lives.
Guo Ying
Guo Ying is my Chinese sister. One day, my friend got a text message from someone who was in her contact list from the person who used her phone before from a previous group that came through the same program. It was Guo Ying looking for someone to tutor her 3 year-old son. I don't think it was a coincidence that my friends phone was the only phone in our group with the same SIM card as the previous user. My friend already had a tutoring job so she told me about this one. After making contact with the Foreign Affairs office at the school, we arranged to meet. I took a taxi to her apartment and she met me at the gate. Right away, I loved her. We went into the apartment and met Mickey, the little boy I would tutor. He came up to me and gave me a BIG hug. He then chatted non-stop to me in Chinese calling me 美国老师 which means American teacher. We spent an hour sitting on the floor in his playroom looking at little flash cards and a book. He ran around throwing things and showing me his toys intermittently while telling me what the picture was in English. Mickey is adorable and I hate being away and missing him growing up. The other half of the time, Guo Ying told me traditional Chinese stories and explained some history to me or taught me new Chinese words. Guo Ying and her husband then took me to the Confucius Temple shopping area. In the car on the way there, Mickey kissed me right on the lips and told me he loved me. It was so sweet, but a little alarming at the same time. At the temple, they bought me gifts and told me about the history of the area. All the time, Guo Ying told me that I must call her sister and that we were having a party to welcome me to their family. They then took me out to an expensive restaurant where we celebrated and toasted me into the family. After lunch, she made me sit and get my nails painted. They spoiled me and made me feel so special. Almost every time I went to tutor, Guo Ying and I would go out to dinner after or sit and talk for a bit. One day, I told her I needed some new clothes. We arrange to go shopping together. We went to the center of the city and walked through store after store. She bought dinner (boiled duck intestines and blood) and made us try other traditional Chinese snacks. Then she bought dessert. I was SO full since I made the mistake of eating before going. When I didn't find anything I liked while shopping, she sent me a list of links for shopping online. I told her what I liked and she ordered them for me. When they arrived at her house, she brought them to me. Finally, when I arrived at her house for the last time, she gave me an expensive comb and brush set and we cried and hugged several times. Then she owed me just 50 yuan and instead, she handed me a 100 yuan banknote. When I tried to give her some change, she wouldn't take it. She said over and over, "I will very miss you. You must come back soon. China very miss you. Mickey very love you. You must come back to your Chinese family. Your Chinese family wait you come back." It was heart wrenching.
These people play a big roll in why I love China so much. I miss it with my whole heart and I can't wait to go back. I couldn't talk too much about moving on in the blog post because it's obvious that I haven't moved on. But I am trying to fill the emptiness until I go back.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Jet Lag... Not So Fun
I'm home from 5 months of heaven. When you live halfway across the world, it changes you in ways you can't ever describe. It's something everyone needs to experience on their own. I love China more than I ever thought possible. The people are incredible, the culture is incredible, and my experience there was incredible. I made friends I want to have forever and I learned things I will have forever. I love China so much that I'm going back, maybe not for five months, but at least to visit the people I love so much. I'm addicted to the best place on the planet.
My time in China took me all over the country. It's huge. I mean, HUGE. You never realize how big the world is until you spend 20 hours on a train that takes you across only half of one country. There is so much to see in this world. I've always dreamed of going places in Europe, but now, if I have money to go abroad, I won't be going to Europe, Africa, or South America. I'll be going to Asia. I'll be going to China.
A little blog post can never and will never begin to be the place I express my feelings for China because there isn't a language on this planet that can accurately describe how I feel about China. It's special. Don't worry, I still love America, too. I haven't forgotten my country.
Anyway, jet lag. It's not so fun. I'm only going to complain for a second and then I'll move on. When I really want to sleep, I know I can't. When I really need to sleep, I can't. Sometimes, when I take a nap, I wake up ten times more exhausted and disoriented. Awful. The end.
I'm so grateful that I had the opportunity to go to China. It was a dream come true and so life changing. I am so grateful to Heavenly Father for allowing me to go, for helping me to get there, and for answering all my prayers and showing me his hand in China. I can never thank Him enough for the most amazing experience of my life. Heavenly Father loves his children. He really loves them all. I wish you could see how present he is in China. He's there. He's really there.
Thank you to all the people who emailed me and supported me while I was in China. It meant the world to me that you were willing to listen to me blab about how much I love it. I hope you can get used to hearing about China more because I won't be forgetting about it any time soon. Thank you for your love. I love you back!
My time in China took me all over the country. It's huge. I mean, HUGE. You never realize how big the world is until you spend 20 hours on a train that takes you across only half of one country. There is so much to see in this world. I've always dreamed of going places in Europe, but now, if I have money to go abroad, I won't be going to Europe, Africa, or South America. I'll be going to Asia. I'll be going to China.
A little blog post can never and will never begin to be the place I express my feelings for China because there isn't a language on this planet that can accurately describe how I feel about China. It's special. Don't worry, I still love America, too. I haven't forgotten my country.
Anyway, jet lag. It's not so fun. I'm only going to complain for a second and then I'll move on. When I really want to sleep, I know I can't. When I really need to sleep, I can't. Sometimes, when I take a nap, I wake up ten times more exhausted and disoriented. Awful. The end.
I'm so grateful that I had the opportunity to go to China. It was a dream come true and so life changing. I am so grateful to Heavenly Father for allowing me to go, for helping me to get there, and for answering all my prayers and showing me his hand in China. I can never thank Him enough for the most amazing experience of my life. Heavenly Father loves his children. He really loves them all. I wish you could see how present he is in China. He's there. He's really there.
Thank you to all the people who emailed me and supported me while I was in China. It meant the world to me that you were willing to listen to me blab about how much I love it. I hope you can get used to hearing about China more because I won't be forgetting about it any time soon. Thank you for your love. I love you back!
Friday, January 6, 2012
China Blog!
Hey everyone! So I leave for China in just 20 days! I have created a blog just for my adventures in China. This will be my main contact since China blocks most social networks. Click here: China On The Inside
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)